Just when you thought one movie about a wild animal on coke couldn’t get any better!

Vincent Nghiem

Staff Writer

     The Creature of Coke. The Cocaine Critter. The Demon of Dope. Attack on Crack. The titular star of Cocaine Bear (2022) goes by many names. 

     But this won’t be the last you’ll hear of your favorite fiend from the forest. In a landmark milestone in the entire history of filmmaking, Brownstone Productions has announced the creation of a new cinematic universe created around Cocaine Bear, titled the NONCU (Nature on Narcotics Cinematic Universe), that will expand upon the events of the first film. 

     Director Elizabeth Banks has exclusively reached out to the Eagle Era to announce the production of two sequels. Heroin Fox and Meth Rat have been confirmed to be released in 2024 and 2025, respectively, with Banks returning as director and the Bear returning as the Bear in post-credits scenes.

     Upon the announcement of the NONCU, Disney released a public statement stating that “Due to unforeseen competition in the near future, the Marvel Cinematic Universe will be terminated immediately as of April 2023.” 

     The instant success and glowing future prospects of Cocaine Bear have brought up a multitude of curious questions. For one—why hadn’t anyone thought of a movie about a bear on crack before? 

     “It was one day a few years ago, when I remembered reading that news story about the real-life cocaine bear from the 80s when I was a little girl,” Banks says in an Eagle Era exclusive interview. “And then, it just clicked. Cocaine. Bears. What’s not to love?!”

     However, Cocaine Bear was better said than done. The film’s production, led by Brownstone Productions, was rife with controversies, but one especially stood out. The Bear, who plays the Bear, has been publicly condemned and scrutinized for her suspicious use of method acting.

     Recently released paparazzi footage has displayed photographs of The Bear allegedly consuming real crack cocaine on the set of Cocaine Bear in order to “get into the role,” according to The Bear herself. Brownstone Productions has not issued any response.

     The Bear is outspoken about the allegations. “I mean, really. How do you expect me to give a good performance without dabbling in a little of the stuff?” she said in an interview from her home in Beverly Hills.
    The Bear’s decision to rely on method acting has been criticized by numerous activists in the wilderness sphere.
    “She’s honestly just ruining the reputation of bears and forest animals in general everywhere.” Smokey the Bear, iconic representative of the U.S. Forest Service, says. He reports an incident when, upon arriving at his job in Yellowstone National Park, an assailant who has yet to be identified threw a shovel at him, yelling, “Take your crack and get out of here!”
    “Smokey, the Berenstains, Paddington, Freddy Fazbear—they’re all out to get me,” The Bear says. “They just love to hate on a successful woman in the industry.”

     Outside of the industry controversy, though, both critic and audience reception for Cocaine Bear has been generally positive.
    There are, of course, a few exceptions; not everyone has been a Cocaine Bear lover. For example, in a 2023 survey of drug cartels, 97% answered that they “disliked” the film. These surveyees near-unanimously supported their choices due to “defamation on the grounds of wrongly portraying the security of their drug distribution system.” 

     Despite these critiques, Banks is still intent on realizing a Cocaine Bear cinematic universe. “What with the amount of public attention we’ve had on the first film surrounding Miss Bear’s, um, acting prowess, I doubt that creating the NONCU will be easy,” she explains. “But I welcome the challenge!” 

     Indeed, some actors have already stepped up to this challenge. Nick Wilde, famous for his leading role in Zootopia (2016), has been confirmed to play the Fox in Heroin Fox (2024). Remy of Ratatouille (2007) fame is rumored to have screen tested for the role of the Rat in Meth Rat (2025). 

     The NONCU may extend beyond the theater too. In a recent Instagram post, The Bear has posted an advertisement with a simple text display: “CokeBear+”.
    Fans of Cocaine Bear should expect to be feasting for the next few years. Evidently, the greatest story ever put to film is here to stay, and the future of Cocaine Bear and its accompanying cinematic universe is in good hands—or, should I say, nostrils! 

The Bear, played by the Bear, shoots a suspenseful scene with Sari, played by Keri Russell.

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