SATIRE: Conflicted voter decisively swayed to vote for candidate upon seeing 45 flyers on the same wall instructing her to do so

What worked—and what didn’t—in the recent class council elections

Divya Prakash

Editor-in-Chief

    With so many worthy candidates running in last week’s election, it was understandably a challenge to decide which student to entrust with the responsibility of representing classes in ASB.

    As many candidates shared fundamentally similar platforms, two factors truly set them apart.

    Asked what caused him to vote as he did, Keegan Markeith (11) states, “It was definitely that sign telling me to vote for him. I probably would not have voted for him otherwise. But like, the sign told me to vote for him. So how could I not vote for him?”

    The content of fliers was not the only factor that influenced the election; quantity played a role as well.

    “Honestly, at first, I just didn’t know who to vote for!” reports Gwyneth Anastasia (10). “But what really convinced me was when I saw upwards of 42 flyers on the wall of the new buildings all telling me to vote for this candidate. Like, if it had just been 30 or 35, it could have gone either way. But 45? That’s a mandate.”

    Not everyone was sold on these ultra-modern campaigning techniques. Dakota Cheung (9), for example, was most swayed by the effort she saw reflected in the campaigns.

    She reports, “I was just going to vote for my best friend or for the person whose name I kept hearing, but instead I decided to vote for the candidate who chiseled her face into an ice block. It was a regular David. Even when it started to melt it looked like she was crying out of love for our school. That’s the kind of commitment we need.”

    So, Eagles, the people have spoken. If you are ever interested in holding ASB office, herein lies the key to success: put up several fliers and tell people to vote for you. If you happen to be handy with masses of ice, copper, or granite, that can work too. And of course, if you happen to have a color printer and a lot of friends, that probably works best.

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