Eagle Era

No one could have thought that New Year’s could be so hectic.

By Natalie Tchao

‘Twas the day before New Year’s and every soul was a-stirring, blissfully unaware of the disaster that was soon to unfold in front of their eyes. This new year started unlike any other; the crystal ball that was set to drop slowly and with control as time ticked nearer to midnight had instead slipped off its post and began rolling down buildings—flattening both cars and people alike, albeit the latter less fatally.

On December 31st, the city’s widely celebrated ball drop event was intended to commence in the city of Nowhair. Unfortunately, it all went largely awry in the wake of the fiasco, much to the surprise of the cityfolk. According to reporter Sella Brayshun, “It was a perfect night; nothing seemed like it could have gone wrong. And then everything went wrong in a matter of seconds. One minute I was popping a bottle for the countdown, and then I saw the Ball fall off of its pedestal!”

The aftermath of the Ball’s wrath was well-mourned by the townsfolk. “It crushed Harold’s Bald salon, the Mintend Gaming Store, and worst of all, it ran over the city-exclusive Dodo’s Bakery for Ancient Treats! After it rolled over Dodo’s, the 100-year donut paste from a batch that was about to go stopped the Ball,” said Wada Trajjidy, a local that was eating in a nearby ramen shop during the debacle.

Lastly, on the matter of why the catastrophe happened in the first place, a group of sugar-high engineers are to blame. “We were just at a party when the boss called us in for some last minute job, but by the time she did, all of the crew had already eaten their weight in sugar,” reasoned the only engineer that avoided a complete sugar-high but was unable to prevent what happened next. “So me and my buddies couldn’t think straight anymore,” said engineer Cam D. Cane. When we got to the Ball, we just grabbed a buncha tape, glue, and taffy and stuck the thing on the building.”

On account of the accident, the perpetrators were decidedly given a unique punishment: a long bill of community service via making candies with nothing other than plants.

To prevent such a catastrophe in the future, the city of Nowhair has decided to be more mindful next time. 100 inspectors will be sent to examine the Ball every year when it is to be fixed to the building. As Governor Dinah Mite put it best, “The only way to move forward is by putting the city’s best shoe forward. So look out for the giant shoe drop!”