Autocorrect is every student’s frenemy

It’s always at the last minute

The only time autocorrect does you a favor is when it misspells so many words that the Wi-Fi cuts out before it can finish ruining your text.

Autocorrect was designed as humanity’s writing assistant, meant to catch typos and help people too busy to proofread their work. Some say spell check is as indispensable and as occasionally misleading in English as a calculator is in Calculus. But lately, students have reason to suspect that it has switched sides. What was once a friendly neighborhood spell-checker now feels like a mischievous magician with a keyboard.

Some, like English teacher Mr. Apostrophe, disagree. “Autocorrect introduces words you never knew existed, like ‘defiantly’ instead of ‘definitely.’ It’s defiantly teaching students new vocabulary that I am always surprised to discover in their essays.”

Chemistry students aren’t spared either, having to watch helplessly as formulas and molecules morph into lunch items before their eyes. Sophomore Water Typo (10) recalls, “I was just trying to type up how to balance NaCl for the extra credit assignment in Chemistry Honors and it changed to ‘nacho’ nineteen times until I gave up. Then H₂O became ‘hot dog to-go.’ My teacher said my table looked more like a menu than a study guide for the final exam next month.”

No subject seems to be immune to King Autocorrect’s touch. In Health class, Custard Cursor (9) recalls the day his reflection essay on fitness turned into a manifesto on greed. “I wrote about setting goals, but autocorrect changed every ‘goal’ to ‘gold.’ So apparently, my reflection was about how teenagers should ‘set realistic golds’ and ‘celebrate every gold they achieve.’ It was motivational, but not in the way I intended. I only realized that after I hit ‘Turn In’ at 9:59:59 p.m.”

Freshmen are not the only ones affected by autocorrect. Sasha Scribbles (12) was drafting her Common App essay about sewing a strawberry-shaped pillow for a bedding drive when King Autocorrect graced her writing with his presence.

“Autocorrect kept changing ‘strawberry’ to ‘starving berry,’” she sighed. “I spent three months trying to fix it. It got to the point where I had dreams about autocorrect on my personal statement and talked about them to my best friend, but she didn’t know how to help me either. Maybe autocorrect should take a course called ‘Health for Autocorrect’ to learn that berries cannot starve. Oh, and I wish autocorrect could stop underlining my name!”

Journalism student Lastminute Luna (11) is convinced it’s personal. “Every time I type ‘their,’ autocorrect changes it to ‘they’re.’ When I type ‘they’re,’ it becomes ‘there.’ It’s like it knows I’m on a deadline.”

Luna now proofreads every article draft a week early. Unfortunately, her editors still find that autocorrect often turns “Luna” to “lunch” on their computers.

Mr. Apostrophe says, “Students should embrace autocorrect as a creative partner.” For now, one thing’s certain: Ctrl+Z remains the eternal antidote to autocorrect, every student’s best friend and worst enemy.