Our school’s real ecological challenge: surviving the air conditioning

2–3 minutes

The struggle between the hot and the cold

If there’s one thing AHS is good at, it’s definitely creating an extreme environment. Forget Antarctica or the Sahara Desert; we’ve got both under one roof. Spend a day here, and you’ll be sure to learn some skills that are not taught in P.E. They’re definitely practiced more in English class while you sweat through taking notes, or in math, while your fingers are about to freeze off.

Jordan Sweaty (10) summed it all up. “By lunch, I’ve melted into my chair. Please send help.” He added, “I don’t need P.E anymore. I think I sweat enough just by being in that class.” Jordan has even given up on bringing school supplies to his classes. “I stopped carrying a pencil. I just write with the sweat dripping off my hand.”

Meanwhile, some of the teachers seem to be actively working against student survival. Mrs. Linda Chillingsworth, an AP Environmental Science teacher (and a human embodiment of a walk-in freezer), insists on keeping her classroom at subzero temperatures. “I like my classroom like I like my iced coffee—freezing and dramatic. If you can still feel your fingers, the AC isn’t low enough for me.”

Alitzah Martinez (11) bore the blizzard temperatures in class, knowing she would regret her complaints while in her next class (Photo Credit: Lily Arbios (11)).

The custodial staff, on the other hand, seems just as confused as the rest of us. “Some rooms are like Antarctica; others are quite literally the sun. I don’t know; I just fix the lightbulbs,” said Mr. Carl Thermo, a janitor. He’s seen it all. In fact, he once even stumbled upon a wildlife encounter. “I saw a lizard sunbathing by the history teacher’s door.”

Becky Frostbite (9) takes a more tactical approach when it comes to the cold. “I wear gloves in math class—not for fashion—but for the survival of my fingers. I can see my cold breath while taking a quiz.”

Over in the gym, the situation isn’t even much better—as a matter of fact, it is quite the opposite. Coach Blaze, the P.E. teacher, said, “The gyms are so hot that we don’t even need to do any warm-ups because we’re already baked. It’s not sweat anymore; it’s just tears of survival.”

Whether you’re frostbitten in Algebra or dehydrated in History, there’s one thing we can almost all agree on: temperature control does not exist here. And until it does, keep writing with sweat, wearing gloves indoors, and praying that the lizard by the door is enjoying itself.