If you really think about it, locking in can just mean scrolling some more on social media (send this to someone who doesn’t appreciate your social media addiction)
Staff Writer
“I’m going to lock in today and delete TikTok,” claimed Brian Rot (10), echoing the same words uttered by countless students since 2020. We’ve all heard it before; as AP exam season begins to peek over the horizon, it’s natural for the pressure to build and to feel like social media is standing in the way of your academic comeback. But this is your sign to put down your textbook and pick up your phone again—you just might see that the latter is what truly milks your brain cows, helping you score an “A” in your class and a 5 on your exam in May.
You can actually learn a lot from your For You Page. “I fell asleep in math the other day, but it’s okay because later I watched a Tiktok of an AI Sabrina Carpenter explaining the unit circle.” exclaimed Chill Guy (12). Guy admitted he did not watch the video all the way through, getting sidetracked while contemplating what he calls “the existential threat AI poses on the sociopolitical and economic state of the world today,” but insisted that it helped just the same. “It’s like they always say: it’s the thought that counts,” he explained.
On an unrelated note, when pressed on the value of sin π, Guy muttered in a trance-like state, “The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell,” and then abruptly ended the interview, refusing to continue.
“Certain viral audios can sometimes be a godsend when I blank in class,” added Nurr D (11), citing Drake’s new song “Meet Your Padre” as the sole reason for his 85 percent on an in-class Spanish essay. “What words beside madre, padre, and amor could I ever need?” You can also thank said audio for being stuck in a certain writer’s head (against her will) while doing Spanish homework and inspiring this article in the process.
While writing his Spanish essay, a traumatic incident scarred D. “I was so enthusiastic while writing that my pen ended up slipping and crashing onto the floor when I only had a minute left to finish.” Shedding a single tear, he recounted regretfully, “Had I spent some more time on Instagram Reels strengthening my finger reflexes while scrolling, perhaps I could have saved those 0.4 seconds and added the accent on the ‘o’ which cost me that 28 percent.” (D’s teacher refused to provide a comment, pleading the Fifth.)
Critics also often bring up the point that doom-scrolling drastically reduces a student’s attention span and worsens their posture, but they just need to shift their perspective. Think of the time you would save by lowering your attention span! After all, why spend 3 hours studying when you can learn everything you need to know in 7.43 seconds? “My productivity has skyrocketed ever since TikTok reduced my attention span,” declared Skee Bidi (9), all in one breath. “In a single hour, I studied for my history test, started a business, shut down said business, and was responsible for the entire stock market crash. What a record!” he announced proudly. (This stunt was performed by a trained professional. Please do not try at home.)
As for the alleged bad posture, what could better teach us science than real-time backwards evolution? Plus, it would literally be history in the making. That’s two killings, and one stone-bird. Apologies, I have not gotten my daily dose of reels yet and am not fully functioning—which just might say something about how social media usage can fry the brain. Perhaps a return to our original roots—even if that means less of evolving into hunchbacks and more of controlling our social media usage—is exactly what we need.
Social media has taken over so many parts of everyday life, making it understandable that many argue about its negative impacts (Art Credit: Ivan Chu (11)).
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